im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
