you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
