So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
