I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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