Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
