he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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