You're so nebulous sometimes
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
