your thong is hanging out like whoa
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
