Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

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(248): god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time http://tfl.nu/psyk

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(440): View more from Ohio

wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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(440): wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant http://tfl.nu/01g1

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.

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(336): Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh. http://tfl.nu/7dtp

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(636): View more from Missouri

His pubic hair was longer than his dick

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(636): His pubic hair was longer than his dick http://tfl.nu/f6nh

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(310): View more from California

Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.

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(310): Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused. http://tfl.nu/xlj4

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(631): View more from New York

Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...

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(631): Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend... http://tfl.nu/7zoq

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.

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(401): like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY. http://tfl.nu/lkyy

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.

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(570): found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory. http://tfl.nu/fqts

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(574): View more from Indiana

Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..

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(574): Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called.. http://tfl.nu/0u89

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.

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(270): The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned. http://tfl.nu/9j2r

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(630): View more from Illinois

Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER

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(630): Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER http://tfl.nu/i5te

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us

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(715): You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us http://tfl.nu/z8w6

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.

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(414): czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw. http://tfl.nu/4g8m

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.

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(201): You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME. http://tfl.nu/tcyr

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(607): View more from New York

The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.

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(607): The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude. http://tfl.nu/ttzr

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