I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.