I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?