That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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