he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero