my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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