I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
