I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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