don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
