im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
