How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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