I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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