I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
