Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
