i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
