my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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