It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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