drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
