We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
