Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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