This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
