Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
