R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
