Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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