I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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