so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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