It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize