remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
