He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
