Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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