My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nicole vs. Life
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
