no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
