i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
