eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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