Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
