guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
