tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
