you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
barbara walters just said penis...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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