Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
