My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize