i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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