You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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