I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
