My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
