I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
