She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
