I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
