i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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