i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
