would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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