why didn't you poke me back
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize