my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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