Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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