Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
