for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
