speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
