you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize