my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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