girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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